Specters

Prague has become a ghost town to me. Anywhere I go that is slightly familiar to me causes me a bit of pain. I constantly expect to see my friends come around the corner. I find myself longing to catch a tram back to Podoli for a nap in my flat, to say hey to Rob and Ben and cook a packet of powdered soup. I wonder whether I will run into Petr Pelikan on my way into the house at Vapencova 9. In short, I'm looking for my past. 

It really is a lot harder here than I thought. Coming back has made me realize that, though Prague is an amazing and fantastic place, it was the people I met here that made it special. I'm very fortunate to still have Tom here. He was my best friend that year, and I am so quickly reminded why. But he will return to work on Tuesday, and I will be left virtually alone. I would say completely alone, but the specters are there. 

I'm not really sure how I'm going to make it here two weeks without completely losing it at some point. I think I'm going to have to spend a little extra money and do some traveling. There are times when it's almost painful. I keep hoping I'm going to step on the metro and this time it will be a time machine to take me back to the guys' place on Na Kozacce. But that's not going to happen, and I'm having a rough time dealing with it.

In a way this is good. Part of the reason I came to Prague was to see what it would feel like under different circumstances. My friend Will moved back here, but he didn't make it very long. I don't blame him. This is pretty hard. Much harder than I thought. I know that at some point I want to move back overseas for a while. I don't know whether it will ever be Prague again, but I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't want to do it again by myself. It's one thing when you're young. When you're in your early 20's, you've automatically got something in common with the others you meet–youth and boldness (maybe it's more stupidity than boldness). It's easy to strike conversations and make new friends. It's hard now. I'm almost 3o, and the age gap grows exponentially.

Hopefully what this means is that when I get bored at home, I'll remember that it really wouldn't be any better over here. I should really learn to enjoy my surroundings until I'm positive I'm ready to change them for a while. That time is coming. I'm just not sure when. Still, in the meantime, I'm going to try to relax a little. At least that's the plan.